Grow some girl-balls and come out already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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