Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
