Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
