so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
