The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
