i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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