bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
