I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
