bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
