She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
