just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
