It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
