You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
