Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
