Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
