well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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