quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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