Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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