She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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