I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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