Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
