i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
