I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
