I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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