Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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