I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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