new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
