So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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