I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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