Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
