I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
