He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
