I just pynch a tree in the face
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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