I hate your face
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
