I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
