So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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