i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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