i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
