i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
