I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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