Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
