I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
