I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am midnight drunk by noon
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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