Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize