wakey wakey hands off snakey
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we should paint friendship bongs
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