His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
