cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
