So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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