3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
