Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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