Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
