can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
id be glad to
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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