Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
