C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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