he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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