Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
