Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
