I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
