hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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