theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
