: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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