if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
