You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
