i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
