I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
