I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
