Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
